Christian Benteke

Christian Benteke
Image from:

Christian Benteke Liolo

Current Club: Crystal Palace.

Previous Clubs: Liverpool, Aston Villa, KRC Genk, Standard Liege, KRC Genk.

Loan Clubs: KV Mechelen, KV Kortrijk.

International: Belgium 34 caps 12 goals.

Trophies Won: Belgian Jupiler League 2008/09.

In terms of ability, raw ability, Benteke is an outstanding target man forward, he has it all. Pace, acceleration, brute strength, technical ability, striking power, skill, big leap, strong in the air and composure in the box. The problem he has is that he has all the attributes to be great but shows all the movement and workrate of a broken lamppost. His pace and acceleration should make him useful at running on to balls over the top, instead he is too busy standing around with his hands on his hips catching his breath after having walked from just outside the centre circle to the halfway line.

Benteke's incredible aerial ability is not much use because he makes absolutely no effort to get into the box. Instead he is busy strolling around outside the box, offering nothing at all to his team. I doubt he has broken into a sweat since leaving Aston Villa, other than on his summer holidays on the beach. It is like he is Bernie, from Weekend At Bernie's, and died when Liverpool bought him but no one has noticed. Except Bernie moved more.

It is such a shame that a player that should have been set for a stellar career has ended up dropped by Crystal Palace and nowhere near the Belgian squad for the World Cup and it is all his own fault. If you look up the word 'torpor' in an illustrated dictionary, the illustration is Benteke. You could be forgiven for thinking he is trying to turn football into a kind of Tai Chi Chuan, with everything done at half speed. Though half is a massive exaggeration, as there is no way he is moving that fast.

There is one person who does love him at Palace though, the kit man. When Benteke takes his shirt off, there is no need to wash it, just fold it up and use it again. He is the ultimate green footballer, saves on washing and conserves energy.